Guest Article

Working with Grandparents of Transgender Children: Offering Support & Resources

Janna Barkin & Fran Wickner, Ph.D., LMFT

Every child deserves to be loved and supported unconditionally. Being transgender is simply one of  the many beautiful, normal variations of being human.  

The clinical literature has mostly been focusing on the experience of the person transitioning. In  both of our experiences working with this population, for the grandparents of transgender children  the journey can feel isolating.  

Generational differences often make it challenging to fully understand what their grandchild is  experiencing. Many grandparents may lack the vocabulary to discuss gender identity or find it  difficult to connect with peers who share similar experiences. Yet, a grandparent’s love,  understanding, and acceptance can profoundly impact the well-being and flourishing of their trans  grandchild.  

Statistics highlight the challenges LGBTQ+ youth face:  

• A groundbreaking study by the Human Rights Campaign surveyed 10,000 LGBTQ youth ages 13-17.  It found that 42% felt their community was not accepting of LGBTQ individuals, while 26% identified  their biggest challenges as a lack of family acceptance, trouble at school, bullying, and fear of being  out or open.
• Research by The Trevor Project shows that support from even one trusted adult significantly  reduces mental health risks and greatly increases the chances of success for LGBTQ youth. 

When one person in a family transitions, the entire family undergoes a transition.

Each family  member will have their own timeline and process for acceptance and integration. Roles, behaviors,  and expectations may shift as labels and relationships are redefined. Grandparents, in particular,  need allies to navigate these changes.

As the therapist of a client who is a grandparent with a  transgender grandchild, you may be the only person your client talks openly with about their grandchild. So it is important for you to educate yourself and have resources available (see below)  in order to be a trusted ally. Gender-informed mental health professionals, social workers, and  educators can serve as key sources of support for grandparents, helping to build bridges of  understanding, compassion, empathy, and connection.  

The Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, outlines four practical strategies for fostering family acceptance:  

• Support  
• Education  
• Inclusion  
• Reimagining Gender Norms and Expectations 

These strategies can guide grandparents from feelings of confusion, fear, or rejection toward  understanding, empathy, and action.  

In this precarious time, when transgender individuals face increasing hostility and attacks on their  basic rights, family support is more crucial than ever. Recent efforts to strip away the rights and dignity of transgender people have caused significant harm to this vulnerable community. The love and acceptance of parents, grandparents, and extended family are vital lifelines for trans  individuals.  

Together, through compassion and understanding, we can create a world where transgender people  are celebrated for who they are, and where every child—transgender or not—feels loved,  supported, and safe.

RESOURCES FOR THERAPISTS WORKING WITH TRANSGENDER CLIENTS AND FAMILIES  

BLOGS  

∙ https://callhimhunter.wordpress.com 

∙ www.hesalwaysbeenmyson.com 

∙ www.meretheir.com 

BOOKS  

From Janna: “These two books really helped me understand my child”: 

∙The Transgender Child, by Stephanie Brill  

∙ Gender Born, Gender Made, by Diane Ehrensaft  

Janna Barkin’s Books:  

∙ He's Always Been My Son - A Mother's Story About Raising Her Transgender Son by Janna  Barkin  

●      A Grand Love - Stories For Grandparents Of Transgender Grandchildren, by Janna Barkin  

These books are also great:  

∙ The Transgender Teen, by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney  

∙ The Gender Creative Child, by Diane Ehrensaft  

∙ Helping your Transgender Teen, by Irwin Kreiger  

∙ Before I Had The Words, by Skylar Kergil  

∙ Becoming Nicole, by Amy Ellis Nutt  

∙ He/She/They, by Schuyler Bailar  

∙ Transitioning Later In Life, by Jillian Celentano  

∙ Who are You?, by Brook Pessin Whedbee  

∙ Phoenix Goes To School, by Michelle and Phoenix Finch  

∙ Flamingo Rampant Publishers has fabulous books.  

More book suggestions can be found on the Stand with Trans Book List

SUPPORT, SERVICES and INFORMATION  

●      Positive Images (Sonoma County, California):  

●      PFLAG 

●      Mama Bears  

●      Trans Students Educational Resources  

●      Ally Parents:  

●      Stand With Trans  

●      Transgender Law Center 

●      Advocates For Trans Equality - A4TE:    

●      Los Angeles Gender Center   

●      The Trevor Project

●      University of San Francisco Center of Excellence for Transgender Health: 

SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINES  

●      National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988 (talk or text)  

1-800-273-TALK (8255)  

●      Trans Lifeline  

877-565-8860 

●      The Trevor Project  

866-488-7386  

LEGAL GUIDANCE, ID DOCUMENT INFORMATION  

●      Transgender Law Center   

●      A4TE  

●      Lambda Legal 

●      ACLU  

Janna Barkin (she/her) is a proud mother of a transgender son, author, speaker, and advocate for  transgender youth. Her new book, A Grand Love (August 2024), shares stories, research, and  resources for grandparents of transgender grandchildren. A Grand Love, and Janna’s first book, He's  Always Been My Son (2017), both achieved the #1 bestseller spots upon release. Janna supports  families through coaching, facilitation, and advocacy. For events, groups, and to contact visit website: www.hesalwaysbeenmyson.com.  

Fran Wickner, Ph.D., MFT is one of the therapists quoted in Janna Barkin's book A Grand Love. Dr.  Wickner has been working with the LGBTQ+ community for over 35 years as a therapist in  California. She is also a national mental health business consultant for clinicians, helping  therapists with all aspects of the business of being in private practice and thriving as a clinician. Website: www.franwickner.com, https://franwickner.com/for-therapists/.