Member Article

Dating After Divorce: When Is the Right Time?

Steven Unruh, MDiv, LMFT

Imagine this: the divorce papers are signed, you’ve started to settle into your new life, and for the first time in a long time, you’re single. Friends may encourage you to start dating again. Dating apps promise fresh connections. But deep down, you’re left wondering: Am I really ready?

It’s a question many people face after divorce—and the answer isn’t always simple.

The Challenge of Dating Again

Dating after divorce comes with its own set of challenges. Life looks different now—managing a household on your own, handling custody schedules, and adjusting to financial changes can all feel overwhelming. At the same time, there’s the quiet ache of loneliness or the fear of repeating past mistakes. And underneath it all is the sense that it just shouldn’t be this hard to find companionship again.

But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to stay this way. With the right approach, dating after divorce can become an opportunity for growth, healing, and hope.

A Healthier Path Forward

I’ve been a divorce mediator for more than 30 years. I’ve walked alongside thousands of people through the divorce process and into their next chapter. I know how hard this season can feel, and I care about helping people rebuild their lives with clarity and confidence.

Here are some guiding principles I encourage my clients to consider before stepping back into the dating world.

1. Take Time to Heal

It’s tempting to jump right back into dating to fill the silence, but healing takes time. Allow yourself the space to grieve the end of your marriage and to process what went wrong. The stronger and healthier you feel on your own, the better foundation you’ll bring into a future relationship.

2. Rediscover Yourself

Divorce often leaves people asking, Who am I now? Before blending your life with someone else’s, take time to rediscover yourself. Explore hobbies, nurture friendships, or revisit passions you may have set aside. When you know yourself well, you’ll attract relationships that fit who you truly are.

3. Consider Your Children

If you have kids, your dating life impacts them, too. Introducing a new partner too soon can create confusion or stress. Give your children time to adjust to the new normal before adding someone new to the picture. A stable foundation for them will make dating less complicated for everyone involved.

4. Choose Peace Through Mediation

A peaceful divorce makes a big difference in how you approach new relationships. Mediation allows couples to separate with dignity, reducing conflict and building healthier co-parenting dynamics. When your divorce ends respectfully, you carry less emotional baggage into your next relationship. Mediation isn’t just about resolving the past—it helps you move into the future with a clearer heart.

5. Set Boundaries with Dating

When you’re ready, be intentional. Online dating can be helpful, but without boundaries it can feel overwhelming. Be honest about your story, move at a pace that feels right for you, and remember—your worth is not defined by someone else’s attention.

Overcoming Doubts

It’s normal to wonder:

• What if I wait too long and miss my chance?
• What if I never feel ready?
• What if I end up alone?

These doubts are part of the journey. But rushing into dating before you’ve healed can lead to more pain and disappointment. Waiting until you feel grounded ensures that when the right person comes along, you’re ready to build something healthy and lasting.

Your Fresh Start

Dating after divorce isn’t about following someone else’s timeline—it’s about finding your own readiness. When you take time to heal, rediscover yourself, and create a peaceful foundation, you can approach dating with confidence and hope.

As a divorce mediator, I’ve seen what happens when people prioritize peace and clarity during and after divorce—they don’t just survive, they thrive.

You deserve a fresh start, one filled with freedom, stability, and the possibility of love again.

Steven Unruh, MA, MDiv, is a Divorce Mediator and LMFT. He and his team at Unruh Mediation complete the entire divorce process, including all assets, pensions, properties, alimony and child support—along with all required documentation. Unruh Mediation files in 13 different courthouses throughout Southern California. Website: stevenunruh.com.